How do I cope with boredom?
How do I cope with boredom? I don’t mean being bored on a Sunday night or feeling bored while I’m watching my kid’s soccer game. I mean the boredom of midlife. I go to work, go to my kids’ activities, and try to manage things at my house. But I feel bored to tears about life in general. Every week looks the same. I’m surrounded by other parents who plaster on fake smiles and brag about the new windows they just got installed. My marriage is fine and family is OK but I feel like at this point, I’m just passing time until I die. Do I just lack mental strength? Am I just a boring person? Do I accept that life is supposed to be boring at this stage? Or is there something wrong with me?
How do I stop being jealous and insecure?
My husband travels for work a lot and I don't hear much from him when he's out of town. I often start questioning if he's cheating on me. I worry I'm not attractive enough or fun enough for him. I looked through his phone once when he was in the shower and he caught me and was mad. When he's away, I ask questions about what he's doing and I sometimes stalk his coworkers social media profiles so I can see what's going on. I don't really think he's cheating but my worries get the best of me when he's gone. How do I stop being so jealous and insecure?
Everyone says be yourself but I don't know who I am.
I feel a little like a chameleon sometimes. I'm funny with one person and serious with another. Or I laugh about my mistakes with one group of friends but with other people I try to impress them by acting like I'm perfect. I don't know why I change so much depending on the people around me but I don't like that about myself and I don't even know which one is the real me. What do I do?
How to help a 16 year old perfectionist?
My 16 year old daughter puts a ton of pressure on herself with grades and sports. She gets so nervous before a track meet that she cries or she gets so nervous about a test that she almost can't function. She does well but is really hard on herself if she isn't perfect. How can I help her relax and be OK with herself?
My wife wants to visit her family for Christmas but I don't want to leave my dad alone. What should I do?
I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. My wife says she feels like we need to take the kids to her parents house for Christmas and spend two nights there. It's about a 5 hour drive. Normally I'd be fine doing this but I'm concerned about leaving my dad home alone on Christmas. My sister is visiting her in-laws in another state so she won't be able to visit him and we don't really have any other family members he could spend the day with. He's 71 and it breaks my heart to imagine him sitting at home eating a TV dinner by himself on Christmas. Do I put my foot down and tell my wife we need to visit my Dad this year?
Watching Porn
For a little over a year I received CBT from a skilled clinical social worker about my built up shame in my struggle with porn Interestingly the more detached I became with the struggle with porn, the less the urge has power over me. I still struggle with it but a whole lot less. I feel that I am on a journey of recovery. Is that a sign of mental strength!
How do I deal with my parents constantly comparing me to my brothers?
I've worked on not comparing myself to other people but my parents compare me to my brothers all the time. They make more money and have more established careers. I don't deny that. But I get so tired of hearing, "Well, you should do this to be more like your brothers," or "Your brother would never have made that mistake." Sometimes I question my choices and at other times I question whether I should maintain a relationship with my parents if they can't accept that I'm different and it's not a competition. Do I need to grow stronger to deal with my parents or do I need to take a break from them to save my mental health?
Giving up alcohol for 30 days
I have tried to give up alcohol for 30 days a few times. I don't think I have an alcohol problem but I can't go 30 days straight so does that mean I really do have a problem? I mostly drink socially but sometimes drink after a stressful day and I convince myself I deserve to drink. If I can't go 30 days is that a real problem? And what do I do about it?
How do you heal when you get ghosted?
I went on a few dates with someone and I thought things were going well. So I was surprised when he ghosted me. I have no idea if I did something that upset him or what but out of the blue he just stopped replying. I'm embarrassed and heartbroken and angry. At first I made excuses for him and when my friends asked how it was going I just said he was probably busy. I even worried about him for a while thinking he may have been in an accident or something but then I saw him posting on social media. Why do people ghost people and how do you heal when you don't have any kind of closure or don't know what you did wrong?
How to deal with family holidays when grandparents don't believe in ADHD?
My parents are coming for the holidays and they plan to stay for a week. We have two boys with ADHD and my parents don't believe ADHD is a real issue. They think we are bad parents and tell us we should control our kids better. Our boys (6 and 9) are active but they are not wild. They both take medication to manage their symptoms which upsets my parents who think they should be able to be calm without it. I am bracing myself because I know they will have lots of comments about our parenting while they are staying with us for a week. Any help you can offer is appreciated because I don't want their to be any big disagreements while they are here. What do I do if they criticize our parenting?
How do I deal with frustration about the fact that my parents cater to my sister who has bipolar?
My adult sister has bipolar disorder. She goes off her medication and makes bad decisions sometimes and then my parents always rescue her. When she's manic she goes on spending sprees or doesn't go to work and then needs money and my parents always give it to her. They once drove across the country to pick her up because she got herself in a dangerous situation-she literally ran away with a truck driver she randomly met at a truck stop. I work hard and struggle to get by and it frustrates me that that they throw money at her. I think she uses her diagnosis as an excuse sometimes. But then I feel bad for feeling somewhat jealous as I'm an adult and I think it's immature to be jealous that she gets everything. Sometimes though I think I should talk to my parents and discourage them from bailing her out because they aren't helping but I don't want to do that just because I'm jealous she gets more than I do. How can I deal with my situation?
An affair cured my depression. But no one knows the real reason why I got better.
I’ve been married for almost 20 years and my marriage has always been pretty good. But I struggled with depression for a long time. I never had any energy and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I never really stuck to taking antidepressants long enough to see if they could help. During the pandemic, I became close to a coworker because we had a lot of Zoom meetings–just the two of us and he got to see my house and I got to know about his private life too. And for the first time in a long time, I started to feel happier. When the lockdown restrictions ended, our relationship became physical–only a few times. He says he’s happily married as well and neither of us have any plans to leave our spouses. We occasionally find an excuse to set up online meetings with one another and we flirt a little. Once a month or so we end up in the office on the same day. I can’t guarantee we’ll never meet up again. But I’m confused about how this friendship turned affair seems to have cured my depression. My husband and my friends have all noticed how much better I’m doing. I have more energy, I take more pride in my appearance, and I feel like going out and doing fun things again. Of course, no one knows the reason why. I never thought I’d be someone who would cheat so it doesn’t make sense to me why I did it. And it doesn’t make sense why it made me feel better, instead of feeling guilty. Why do I feel better and what do I do now?
Why do I ignore obvious red flags in relationships?
There are always tons of red flags in my relationships. When I start dating someone, I see that something is a potential red flag but I brush it off and tell myself it's not a big deal. Then I end up in bad relationships. All my friends and family are always telling me to be on the lookout for red flags. They know me well. But like the last relationship I was in, the guy didn't want me to post any pictures of us together on social media. I knew that sounded suspicious but he kept telling me it was because he had a crazy ex and he didn't want her to know about me. It was really because he was still dating other people behind my back. How do I get better at taking action when I see those red flags?
Extoverted me makes plans. Introverted me regrets it later. Why do I do this?
I think I like the idea of going and being social so I schedule things to do. But when the time comes to do those things, I almost always regret it. I don't want to cancel at the last minute so I push myself out the door but every single time I say I'm not going to do that again. I keep doing it though. I usually have an ok time when I go out but it takes a lot of effort. It's like I want to be an extrovert and I can't accept that I'm an introvert. Why do I do this and how do I stop?
My sister always wants to rehash our childhood. She says it therapeutic. I think it's re-traumatizing. Who's right?
Our dad left when we were young and our single mom dated lots of horrible men over the years. Our childhood was rough and filled with people who sometimes abused our mom (or us) and had substance abuse issues. Lately, my sister wants to talk about what things were like growing up. I have no desire to talk about it. She says my refusal to talk about it means I'm not working through my pain. I am just avoiding it. But I don't see how listening to her tell me her version of our childhood events would help me. I try not to think about it. She thinks about it all the time. Which is a sign of a strength? And how do I know I'm growing stronger?
How do I break up with a friend?
I’ve been friends with a woman I’ll call Jen for a few years. She’s the type of friend who is always up for anything and we have fun together. But recently, I learned she posts really mean things to people online. We belong to the same local community group on Facebook and she’ll tell strangers they’re stupid for asking what time a restaurant closes in a group instead of just calling. Or on Instagram, she makes fun of celebrities or disses people with different political views. She’s not mean in person so I am shocked she’s like this online. But some of her comments were disturbing–like she made snarky comments to someone who just lost their spouse and seeing those things makes me not want to be friends with her anymore. I don’t want to just ghost her but on the other hand, it’s awkward to break up with a friend. Am I overreacting by not wanting to be friends? And how would I go about ending the friendship?
I lied to my therapist. What do I do now?
I was in an unhealthy relationship when I started therapy. When I found the courage to end the relationship, my therapist helped me set boundaries and work on myself. But, then I started letting my ex back into my life a little more–and now, she’s staying at my house all the time again. But I haven’t told my therapist because I’m afraid it’ll look like I’ve taken a huge backslide and I don’t want her to think I’m not trying. Now that I’ve lied for over a month, I’m not sure how to come clean. What do I do?
I can't drag myself out of bed in the morning. Any tips?
I hit the snooze button like 10 times every single morning. At the last possible second, I have to jump up and run out the door to work and I look awful and feel terrible. Sometimes I'm late. I feel like the bad start to they day ruins the whole day. I have self-discipline in other areas of my life but it's hard to feel like a strong person when I can't even drag myself out of bed on time. Do you have any tips for how I can get myself more motivated in the morning?
What rules can I set for my teenage daughter who is having sex?
My almost 17-year-old daughter is sexually active. I would prefer that she wasn't but I realize I can't prevent her from doing it. I would like to set some rules, like not allowing her to do it in our home. I'm from a generation where I was taught pre-marital sex was wasn't an option. I want to teach my daughter to be respectful of our rules and of her body but this seems tough. What are reasonable rules we can set?
When does staying home mean I'm setting a healthy boundary and when does it mean I'm being selfish?
I am not into parties and celebrations but I have friends who love any excuse to throw a party. I recently declined to attend a friend's gender reveal party because I find such things exhausting sometimes. But another friend told me I was selfish. I thought I was setting a healthy boundary. How do you know when to draw the line and say no to something as a way to take care of yourself and when do you push yourself to do something you don't want to do because you're being a good friend?