I think I might have ADHD but how do you get tested as an adult? And should I bother to get tested? Does medication help?
The more I hear about adult ADHD, the more I convinced I am I have it. My attention span sucks. I have a lot of half finished projects around the house. I start things and forget what I was doing. I mentioned it to my doctor at my last physical and he just sort of laughed and said we all have bad attention spans these days. I don't want to turn this into something bigger than it is but should i get tested and if so, does medication for adults help?
How do I tell people I have depression?
I've had depression for a long time but I hide it well. The problem is, I hide it so well that no one in my life really knows. I've seen a therapist and taken medication and I'm doing a bit better for sure. I feel like I'm hiding a big secret but I don't know how to bring it up. Like I don't want to announce it like it's a big deal to my family. But I don't want to just casually bring it up when we're having fun. I don't know how to tell my friends either and I don't want to overshare but I can't help but think it'd be nice to not feel like I have deep dark secret. Any advice?
Why do I keep thinking about embarrassing things I did forever ago? 🤦‍♀️
I literally can’t stop cringing about things I said in, like, middle school or even just last year. It’s dumb because I KNOW no one remembers this stuff but me. But every time it pops into my brain, I want to bury my head in a pillow and scream. Is there a way to stop obsessing over stuff that doesn't really matter?
As I grow stronger I have less patience for people who don't work on themselves. How do you deal with people who lack self-awareness?
I've been building mental strength for a few years since I read your book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. I consider myself a work in progress but I've come a long way. I have less patience for people who are still stuck in their patterns and who don't recognize their weaknesses. I think I've outgrown some of my friends as a result. Is that normal? How do I be more tolerant of people who lack patience?
How do I take my life back?
While listening to your podcast & a few others, I hear a recurring theme regarding struggles in adulthood stemming from challenges & trauma from childhood. I’m in a different boat. I had a wonderful childhood & tell anyone who will listen. I’m now 53 with 3 teens at home & an adult married son who’s about to make me a Gram!! But I’ve been going through my past to see “where it all went wrong”. I feel it started after my divorce when I was 28 & my oldest was 9mos old (1st marriage). Since then, I’ve seen a dramatic change in my confidence. 4 yrs later, I married my husband & we had 3 kids. From the start of our marriage, I was very overwhelmed with the strict & negative personality of my husband. Fast forward to now, 21 yrs later, our teens & I left our family home 5 mos ago to move down the street. My oldest will never speak with his step father again & our teens are not close with their dad either because of his undiagnosed bipolar & narcissistic personality. I have anxiety & depression which I’m on meds for, have no care to get my terrible health on track, stuck in a so-so job because I’m afraid to take a risk & I can’t focus on or stay consistent with anything in my life. I believe I have ADHD-Inattentive. Again, my confidence is shot & I struggle to find my way back. So long story short (too late 🤦‍♀️), at my age, how to do fix my shit & take my life back??
How do I talk to my therapist about something I don't want to talk about?
I've been seeing my therapist weekly for about two years, initially discussing a range of issues like anxiety, depression, family dynamics, and alcohol abuse. At first, I didn't think therapy would help me. I thought it was silly to pay for, in my own words, "an educated friend." Contrary to that belief, therapy did help. Maybe not to the extent I expected, whether that be a failure on my part or my therapist's, I don't know. I realize certain beliefs I hold or have held are false, but I still feel them. But lately, I've been feeling less and less of a desire to talk to my therapist, despite it being essentially "free" with my health insurance. I held a streak of 1.5 years free of alcohol. On the day I hit 1.5 years, I decided I was going to have a drink again, but on that day, an application for a new job was denied, and I was really disappointed by that. I thought if I drank that day, it was proof alcohol held a grip on me. So I didn't, but I did shortly afterward when I "reframed" my application's denial. Since then, almost six months ago, I've continued to drink alcohol. Once a week, twice a week, sometimes more. Throughout this, I haven't suffered any consequences in my work life. I've been promoted twice, in 6 months. After the period of 1.5 years without alcohol, I see the negative effects in high definition now. I realize chemically it is poison, and physically, mentally, and neurologically, the safest amount of alcohol to drink is none. So I've cut back significantly. A consequence of no alcohol is losing a social "lubricant," which holds weight for me, as I feel strong social anxiety and find it difficult to make real friends, despite knowing what I should do according to science and all I've been told. What's bothering me is, I haven't told my therapist I drank alcohol again. And since I did drink again, I haven't felt the desire to talk to her about anything, really. "What's on your mind?" she says, and I recount my workdays, small personal successes, my daily struggles, and the hour is over. I feel more relieved that 60 minutes have passed than I do after saying what I had said. Recently, I found myself in a negative mental state I hadn't been in for quite some time and reached out to my sister for support. She and I are close, but I'm still reluctant to speak as it is, likewise with my therapist. I've told her how I don't think therapy is helping me very much anymore, before she knew I had started drinking alcohol again. After I told her, the clear path in her mind was that I started drinking, and then therapy wasn't as effective; therefore, I lost the desire to continue seeing my therapist. Which makes sense to me from her perspective. But I don't want to tell my therapist. I've been thinking about canceling. Lately, my appointments have become inconsistent on my part, which makes me feel I should open up her schedule. I'm aware of the importance of mental health and have seen its benefits exponentially compared to where I started, but now I feel resistant. It's said the benefits outweigh the cost, so my question is: How do I talk to my therapist about something I don't want to talk about?
Why do people feel compelled to comment on the fact that I don't speak to my parents?
I cut my parents out of my life a few years ago. I am confident I made a good choice. Both of them were emotionally abusive my whole life. But whenever the subject comes up in conversation with friends or coworkers or anyone else, people always say things like, "You should never disown your own family," or "If you'd treat your relatives like that I can't imagine how you treat other people," or "Whatever you're angry about isn't worth destroying your relationship." I never know what to say to people who make these comments. It's not like we argued over something silly and I'm holding a grudge. I had to cut them out for my own mental health. I don't bring up the subject often but it came up recently again when people asked what I was doing for the holidays. How do I deal with people who make judgmental comments or assumptions about my lack of contact with my parents?
What do you do when your spouse won't go to therapy?
My marriage is in trouble and my wife and I have discussed divorce several times. I want to go to counseling to see if there's any hope for us to work through things. My wife doesn't believe in counseling though. She says talking to a stranger isn't going to help but I know it couldn't hurt. Do you have any advice for how I can convince her that we need help?
How do I get through another holiday season?
I have hated the holidays since I was a kid. We didn't have much money and it was the time of year when I felt left out because all the other kids loved Christmas and loved family gatherings. I was raised by a single mom and was lucky to get anything and I always felt lonely because my mom worked more than ever during this time of year. As an adult, I still hate the holidays. I'm married and we don't have kids but my inlaws love to make jokes about how much I dislike the holidays. Do you have any tips for getting through the holidays again this year?
How do I be a good caregiver without risking my mental health?
I’m the primary caregiver for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s. While I love her deeply, the stress is overwhelming, and I have no time for myself. I feel like I’m losing my own identity, but I also feel guilty for wanting space. I know she won't be around forever so it's important to me that I spend as much time with her as I can but at the same time, I get overwhelmed by how much care I give. What can I do to manage my mental health?
My sister-in-law gives me unwanted advice. What do I say?
My sister-in-law feels the need to tell me what to do all the time. She makes suggestions for what I should wear when I'm going to an event. She makes suggestions on where our family should go on vacation. She tells me what to do to build my business but she has literally never owned a business. I usually just say "Okay" and change the subject because I don't want to have conflict but it's annoying that she seems to know everything. What can I say or do to make it stop?
My girlfriend always asks me how I feel. But I don't know how to feel so what should I say?
My girlfriend is always asking me how I feel about stuff. I don't really have an answer. I'm not exactly experiencing deep emotions every second of the day. I'm not sad or happy. I'm just there. She doesn't seem to believe me though and she gets frustrated. Is it normal to just not know what I feel or to not feel anything? What am I supposed to say to her?
I dig myself into incredible messes. How do I stop doing this?
I get myself into ridiculous situations like I agree to something I don't want to do and end up on some volunteer committee from hell. I bring it on myself sometimes too. I volunteer to help with something because I think it's a two hour project and then learn it's a 3 week commitment. It's not just volunteer stuff though. I once dated someone for six months and I didn't tell him something huge about my past. It wouldn't have been a big deal if I had just told him up front. But I waited so long I couldn't find the courage to do it. And got myself in another mess. Why do I always seem to get myself into stupid messes for no real reason and how do I stop?
How do I help my friend who has depression when I'm emotionally drained?
My good friend has been depressed off and on since I've known her. I'm her main support person. This latest round of depression has lasted a long time and it's happened during a time when I'm busy with things going on in my life. I want to keep helping her but at the same time, I feel emotionally drained. I know I should be taking care of myself and saying no sometimes but when I try, I feel guilty, and think I should be able to do one more thing for her. How do I know when it's OK to say no?
I feel numb. What do I do?
I've had a really bad year and it feels like one awful thing after the next. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, my home was damaged in the hurricane. I just feel numb and overwhelmed by everything but I have to keep working but things are just piling up so fast. What do I do?
I discovered a family secret. How do I bring it up with my parents?
I found some old paperwork that revealed a family secret that my parents obviously went to great lengths to cover up from me and my brother. But now that I know the truth, I want to confront my parents to really know what happened. I don't want to upset them but I don't want to walk around pretending I don't know either. How do I bring it up so I can learn the rest of the story without causing them to panic know that I have this information?
I am keeping a family secret. What do I do?
I listened to your episode about uncovering a family secret and it got me thinking even more about a family secret that I'm holding onto. My sister got pregnant years ago after basically having a one night stand. She started dating someone not long after and they decided to just pretend like the baby was his. My niece is now 10. She has no idea that the man she calls dad isn't her dad. I am sure she'll find out someday one way or another. And I can't help but worry that she will be mad at me for not telling her. I hate to keep the secret. I've asked myself what a mentally strong person would do and I don't know the answer. Please advise.
Am I suppressing my childhood trauma or unfazed by it?
This seems like a silly question but I don't know what to think. I had a rough childhood but I know a lot of people did. I don't particularly care and I don't think I'm traumatized from it. In fact, I think it taught me a lot about life and I'm glad I went through it. I hear people talk about healing their childhood wounds and figuring out the unhealthy stuff they learned from childhood and part of me wonders if I'm just pretending it didn't bother me. Or maybe I learned bad habits and don't recognize them? Then I think maybe I'm just overthinking.
How do I stop letting people upset me?
I lose my temper in conversations more often than I care to admit. Sometimes I'm short with a customer service person who is just trying their best and sometimes I just get annoyed with friends and family and I'm not proud of how I respond. What can I do to stop letting people upset me so much?
Tips for coping with a breakup?
I have been through breakups before but this one feels different. I had thought we would eventually get married. Some things happened that we disagreed on and then we just couldn't come up with a plan or get on the same page for the future. She broke it off and I'm feeling heartbroken. I am not really interested in dating anyone else at the moment and I admit I keep checking to see what she is up to on social media. We agreed no contact was best but I'm struggling with that decision now. What can I do?
What to do about an adult child who isn't interested in joining the real world?
Our 28 year old son seems content to live in our basement forever. He plays video games all day, hangs out with his friends who are also dependent on their parents, and do nothing. We tell him to apply for jobs and he occasionally seems to put in a half hearted effort. We know we need to set boundaries with him but how do we do that now? He's been living with us for 4 years -- he went to college and briefly lived with roommates before coming back here. He originally moved in with us because of the pandemic but now he seems content to stay here forever. It's not good for any of us and we want to know how to set limits without just kicking him out. What do we do?
Infertility
Hi Amy, how can we become mentally stronger when dealing with infertility and childlessness not by choice? My husband and I tried to conceive for 7 years but couldn’t due to health issues, we started classes on adopting years ago but quickly learned how incredibly stressful and unstable the process is and are not sure we could handle it (like if adoption failed after we bonded with the child). It has been almost ten years since my hysterectomy solidified our infertility and my heart still hurts every time a friend/coworker/family member gets pregnant, every time anyone asks if I have children, etc. It’s almost as painful now as it was years ago and I would love any tips you have to help.