How to help a 16 year old perfectionist?
My 16 year old daughter puts a ton of pressure on herself with grades and sports. She gets so nervous before a track meet that she cries or she gets so nervous about a test that she almost can't function. She does well but is really hard on herself if she isn't perfect. How can I help her relax and be OK with herself?
Watching Porn
For a little over a year I received CBT from a skilled clinical social worker about my built up shame in my struggle with porn Interestingly the more detached I became with the struggle with porn, the less the urge has power over me. I still struggle with it but a whole lot less. I feel that I am on a journey of recovery. Is that a sign of mental strength!
An affair cured my depression. But no one knows the real reason why I got better.
I’ve been married for almost 20 years and my marriage has always been pretty good. But I struggled with depression for a long time. I never had any energy and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I never really stuck to taking antidepressants long enough to see if they could help. During the pandemic, I became close to a coworker because we had a lot of Zoom meetings–just the two of us and he got to see my house and I got to know about his private life too. And for the first time in a long time, I started to feel happier. When the lockdown restrictions ended, our relationship became physical–only a few times. He says he’s happily married as well and neither of us have any plans to leave our spouses. We occasionally find an excuse to set up online meetings with one another and we flirt a little. Once a month or so we end up in the office on the same day. I can’t guarantee we’ll never meet up again. But I’m confused about how this friendship turned affair seems to have cured my depression. My husband and my friends have all noticed how much better I’m doing. I have more energy, I take more pride in my appearance, and I feel like going out and doing fun things again. Of course, no one knows the reason why. I never thought I’d be someone who would cheat so it doesn’t make sense to me why I did it. And it doesn’t make sense why it made me feel better, instead of feeling guilty. Why do I feel better and what do I do now?
Married to a narcissist
I’ve been with my husband 21 yrs (almost 20 yrs married). I came into the marriage with my son (almost 4 yrs old at the time). Then my husband & I had 3 children. I never liked the way my husband patented- very negative & demanding. Years later (just recently) I realized he’s a narcissist!! I thought he was just OCD & maybe bipolar. My son has cut all ties to my husband because of the emotional & verbal abuse that he suffered while he was young & through his teen years. I have A LOT of “Jewish Mom guilt”. Now that my 3 kids are teens, they see it clearly too & have said (to me only) that they don’t like their dad & that he’s not supportive at all. This is all true but after I threatened to leave with the kids & dog 4 yrs ago, things got better for a bit. It’s emotionally draining on me to constantly be in the middle. My parents have nothing to do with my husband either due to his way of raising their grandkids. I’m also in the middle between my husband & his parents, who I’m extremely close with. I have been practicing more self care by meditating & learning about chakra healing, not only for me but for my kids. My husband has no friends & looks to me for his only companionship, but I enjoy going out to group meditation sessions & having coffee with my few close friends. Our relations as husband & wife is more like best friends with NO romance at all, which he’s fine with but I’m not!! Whew- & that’s the just tip of the ice berg!! The actual question is how to handle being married to a narcissist with teen age & adult children who are quickly pulling away from him? Thank you, Amy. Your podcast has been a great comfort to me for several years. I have all of your books too!! ❤️🙏😊