Married to a narcissist
I’ve been with my husband 21 yrs (almost 20 yrs married). I came into the marriage with my son (almost 4 yrs old at the time). Then my husband & I had 3 children. I never liked the way my husband patented- very negative & demanding. Years later (just recently) I realized he’s a narcissist!! I thought he was just OCD & maybe bipolar. My son has cut all ties to my husband because of the emotional & verbal abuse that he suffered while he was young & through his teen years. I have A LOT of “Jewish Mom guilt”. Now that my 3 kids are teens, they see it clearly too & have said (to me only) that they don’t like their dad & that he’s not supportive at all. This is all true but after I threatened to leave with the kids & dog 4 yrs ago, things got better for a bit. It’s emotionally draining on me to constantly be in the middle. My parents have nothing to do with my husband either due to his way of raising their grandkids. I’m also in the middle between my husband & his parents, who I’m extremely close with. I have been practicing more self care by meditating & learning about chakra healing, not only for me but for my kids. My husband has no friends & looks to me for his only companionship, but I enjoy going out to group meditation sessions & having coffee with my few close friends. Our relations as husband & wife is more like best friends with NO romance at all, which he’s fine with but I’m not!! Whew- & that’s the just tip of the ice berg!! The actual question is how to handle being married to a narcissist with teen age & adult children who are quickly pulling away from him? Thank you, Amy. Your podcast has been a great comfort to me for several years. I have all of your books too!! ❤️🙏😊
How do I stop feeling jealous?
I have a great relationship with my wife. We have been together for 10 years and we're in love. She's beautiful in every way and I know other people notice it as well. Every once in a while when I see a man talking to her or when she talks about someone she works with, I feel jealous. I know she's faithful to me and I feel like the jealousy I feel is a sign of weakness. I'm a confident person overall but how do I get rid of the jealousy?
How do I deal with a co-worker who brags about himself when he feels inferior?
I need your help to navigate through this tricky situation. Recently I have been offered to conduct a workshop for which this colleague will accompany me. I am really excited about this opportunity and want to put my best foot forward. My colleague is hard working and does his work sincerely. The only problem is that given his difficult and disturbed childhood experiences with an alcoholic father .. he has grown up to be a cynic. He has trust issues and he thinks that that world is always operating against him. He is always on guard. I stopped working with him in the past because I was not equipped to handle his negativity. I have been analysing the past experiences of working with him and I have recognised that he starts acting weird only when he feels that he is under an attack .. for example, he feels that he is being judged for his intelligence or his financial status. When he gets on that road he starts getting annoying to others by constantly taking about his ‘ strengths’ and making others uneasy by telling them how they are not hard working enough. Having recognised this pattern in his behaviour I have found an effective way to deal with it. Now, I put across my points keeping his insecurities in mind and I have noticed that he receives every thing well when he feels safe. ( Thanks to your workbook.)I have been keeping a track of my own triggers too. I go for the meetings fully prepared and things have been pretty smooth so far. But there is one glitch which has surfaced recently -- themain requirement of this job is to engage with people. During the workshop he'll be engaging with strangers. Now I am not sure how he'll handle the situation if he assumes that someone is ‘attacking’ him. How do I deal with this as I can’t afford to mess this job up . What should be my IF and THEN plan in such situation. And most importantly, is there any way I can help him realise his problem to him without sounding like I am trying to ‘FIX’ him?
Am I'm not sure I forgive my mother. What does that say about my mental strength?
When I was growing up, my mom dated and married several abusive alcoholic men. They were abusive to me and my siblings in many ways. I have an okay relationship with my mom most of the time now that I'm an adult. I have moments where I think she likely didn't know any better and that's why she allowed those things to happen. She grew up in a horrible environment and probably did the best she could raising us. Then I have other moments where I'm mad at her and think she could have stopped the abuse at any time but didn't and I don't forgive her. Sometimes I think I'm just fooling myself into thinking I forgive her so I can mov on. At other times, I think forgiving her would mean I am letting her off the hook. What's the relationship between mental strength and forgiveness? And what does it say if I don't really forgive my mom?