Married to a narcissist
I’ve been with my husband 21 yrs (almost 20 yrs married). I came into the marriage with my son (almost 4 yrs old at the time). Then my husband & I had 3 children. I never liked the way my husband patented- very negative & demanding. Years later (just recently) I realized he’s a narcissist!! I thought he was just OCD & maybe bipolar. My son has cut all ties to my husband because of the emotional & verbal abuse that he suffered while he was young & through his teen years. I have A LOT of “Jewish Mom guilt”. Now that my 3 kids are teens, they see it clearly too & have said (to me only) that they don’t like their dad & that he’s not supportive at all. This is all true but after I threatened to leave with the kids & dog 4 yrs ago, things got better for a bit. It’s emotionally draining on me to constantly be in the middle. My parents have nothing to do with my husband either due to his way of raising their grandkids. I’m also in the middle between my husband & his parents, who I’m extremely close with. I have been practicing more self care by meditating & learning about chakra healing, not only for me but for my kids. My husband has no friends & looks to me for his only companionship, but I enjoy going out to group meditation sessions & having coffee with my few close friends. Our relations as husband & wife is more like best friends with NO romance at all, which he’s fine with but I’m not!! Whew- & that’s the just tip of the ice berg!! The actual question is how to handle being married to a narcissist with teen age & adult children who are quickly pulling away from him? Thank you, Amy. Your podcast has been a great comfort to me for several years. I have all of your books too!! ❤️🙏😊
How to help a 16 year old perfectionist?
My 16 year old daughter puts a ton of pressure on herself with grades and sports. She gets so nervous before a track meet that she cries or she gets so nervous about a test that she almost can't function. She does well but is really hard on herself if she isn't perfect. How can I help her relax and be OK with herself?
How do I deal with a co-worker who brags about himself when he feels inferior?
I need your help to navigate through this tricky situation. Recently I have been offered to conduct a workshop for which this colleague will accompany me. I am really excited about this opportunity and want to put my best foot forward. My colleague is hard working and does his work sincerely. The only problem is that given his difficult and disturbed childhood experiences with an alcoholic father .. he has grown up to be a cynic. He has trust issues and he thinks that that world is always operating against him. He is always on guard. I stopped working with him in the past because I was not equipped to handle his negativity. I have been analysing the past experiences of working with him and I have recognised that he starts acting weird only when he feels that he is under an attack .. for example, he feels that he is being judged for his intelligence or his financial status. When he gets on that road he starts getting annoying to others by constantly taking about his ‘ strengths’ and making others uneasy by telling them how they are not hard working enough. Having recognised this pattern in his behaviour I have found an effective way to deal with it. Now, I put across my points keeping his insecurities in mind and I have noticed that he receives every thing well when he feels safe. ( Thanks to your workbook.)I have been keeping a track of my own triggers too. I go for the meetings fully prepared and things have been pretty smooth so far. But there is one glitch which has surfaced recently -- themain requirement of this job is to engage with people. During the workshop he'll be engaging with strangers. Now I am not sure how he'll handle the situation if he assumes that someone is ‘attacking’ him. How do I deal with this as I can’t afford to mess this job up . What should be my IF and THEN plan in such situation. And most importantly, is there any way I can help him realise his problem to him without sounding like I am trying to ‘FIX’ him?
How do you heal when you get ghosted?
I went on a few dates with someone and I thought things were going well. So I was surprised when he ghosted me. I have no idea if I did something that upset him or what but out of the blue he just stopped replying. I'm embarrassed and heartbroken and angry. At first I made excuses for him and when my friends asked how it was going I just said he was probably busy. I even worried about him for a while thinking he may have been in an accident or something but then I saw him posting on social media. Why do people ghost people and how do you heal when you don't have any kind of closure or don't know what you did wrong?