Am I'm not sure I forgive my mother. What does that say about my mental strength?
When I was growing up, my mom dated and married several abusive alcoholic men. They were abusive to me and my siblings in many ways. I have an okay relationship with my mom most of the time now that I'm an adult. I have moments where I think she likely didn't know any better and that's why she allowed those things to happen. She grew up in a horrible environment and probably did the best she could raising us. Then I have other moments where I'm mad at her and think she could have stopped the abuse at any time but didn't and I don't forgive her. Sometimes I think I'm just fooling myself into thinking I forgive her so I can mov on. At other times, I think forgiving her would mean I am letting her off the hook. What's the relationship between mental strength and forgiveness? And what does it say if I don't really forgive my mom?
How do I deal with a co-worker who brags about himself when he feels inferior?
I need your help to navigate through this tricky situation. Recently I have been offered to conduct a workshop for which this colleague will accompany me. I am really excited about this opportunity and want to put my best foot forward. My colleague is hard working and does his work sincerely. The only problem is that given his difficult and disturbed childhood experiences with an alcoholic father .. he has grown up to be a cynic. He has trust issues and he thinks that that world is always operating against him. He is always on guard. I stopped working with him in the past because I was not equipped to handle his negativity. I have been analysing the past experiences of working with him and I have recognised that he starts acting weird only when he feels that he is under an attack .. for example, he feels that he is being judged for his intelligence or his financial status. When he gets on that road he starts getting annoying to others by constantly taking about his ‘ strengths’ and making others uneasy by telling them how they are not hard working enough. Having recognised this pattern in his behaviour I have found an effective way to deal with it. Now, I put across my points keeping his insecurities in mind and I have noticed that he receives every thing well when he feels safe. ( Thanks to your workbook.)I have been keeping a track of my own triggers too. I go for the meetings fully prepared and things have been pretty smooth so far. But there is one glitch which has surfaced recently -- themain requirement of this job is to engage with people. During the workshop he'll be engaging with strangers. Now I am not sure how he'll handle the situation if he assumes that someone is ‘attacking’ him. How do I deal with this as I can’t afford to mess this job up . What should be my IF and THEN plan in such situation. And most importantly, is there any way I can help him realise his problem to him without sounding like I am trying to ‘FIX’ him?
How do I stop feeling jealous?
I have a great relationship with my wife. We have been together for 10 years and we're in love. She's beautiful in every way and I know other people notice it as well. Every once in a while when I see a man talking to her or when she talks about someone she works with, I feel jealous. I know she's faithful to me and I feel like the jealousy I feel is a sign of weakness. I'm a confident person overall but how do I get rid of the jealousy?
I have many goals and not enough motivation. What do I do?
I want to read more books, lose weight, become a better cook, spend more time with family, etc. I convince myself I'll start doing those things one day and the next day I convince myself I don't have time. What do you do when you have too many goals, not enough time, and decreasing motivation?
Do I have to talk about my childhood with my sister?
My sister is a couple of years older than me so we remember our childhoods very differently. She understood what was going on and is traumatized by it. I had no idea what was happening so I thought it was a great childhood. When we moved a lot, I thought it was an adventure. She was old enough to realize it was because we were evicted. I thought we were camping at my grandparents living room. She knew we were basically homeless and trying to get away from mom's abusive boyfriend. I'm not scarred from childhood but she is. She always wants to talk about it though and tells me stories that I don't want to hear. She insists I need to know the truth but I don't think I do. Do I have to talk about my childhood with my sister?